Tetris
Tetris is the thirteenth episode of the The Irate Gamer. The long list of doublethink commited by The Irate Gamer can be seen here Summary Chris fails to explain Tetris. Chris attempts to explain the history of Tetris and fails. Chris attempts to explain gameplay and fails. The phrase "knows all the ins and outs of" has a nasty heart attack from constantly being overworked. Chris Bores plays Dr.Mario and fails. Editor Mr.KillUltraTM rage quits, and reminds all viewers that effective immediately "about a dozen times" is be changed to "played for over 20 years" to be more accurate to what Chris Bores actually said about his credentials. Also there is apparently a scandal but there isn't one. High Detail Plot Summary The review portion of the episode begins with Irate Gamer stating that tetris during its initial release “'was new, original, and widely popular…'”. This is done to remind audiences of the intelligence level required to derive entertainment from this episode. Audience members who do not satsify the requirements should liberally apply blunt force until their intelligence level has reached the appropriate level. Chris acts as if he is unaware that audience is self-applying blunt force trauma to themselves but it is clear that he is attempted to get the audience to kill themselves when he says that a game that was released on its release date was new at the time of the release date. Chris Bores has certainly earned certifications for his level of intelligence but it appears during this episode that Chris wishes to apply for certain positions in the department of redundancy department which had previously refused him due to the department of redundancy department having had rejected his application. Chris then asks "What does the word Tetris mean? And what’s a Tetris?" at yet another attempt to showcase his redundancy skills and also demonstrate that Chris Bores is also able to phrase questions in a pathetic manner. Chris answers his question by saying “'It comes from the Greek word' 'Tetra', meaning segments containing 4 pieces”. While Chris has stated that he absoluetely hates wikipedia and that its "not a crediable source" its clear that he did take the information from wikipedia as its the third sentence on the Tetris page. Chris, in his trademark fashion of being unable to read articles smaller than his ego missed the important phrase that says "Gerasimov reports that Pajitnov chose the name 'Tetris' as "a combination of 'tetromino' and 'tennis'". Audiences, if they have not already died from self-applied blunt force trauma, may note and disregard the humor of Irate Gamer's inability to get any historical facts straight. Irate Gamer finally starts talking about the NES versions of tetris. Chris Bores says that the first game is made by atari and the second is made by Nintendo despite the fact that the first game was made by Tengen. To state that a game were made by the parent company rather than the actual developer is akin to saying that Microsoft made Halo and not Bungie (or 343 industries for later games in the series). Chris Bores wants to be a humorless parody and so decides to get more facts wrong than Dan Brown which of course is natural for Chris Bores since his work is a parody of "100 other guys doing the same thing" of which Dan Brown can be considered one of those 'guys'. Irate Gamer refuses to mention that the Tengen game is unlicensed and simply says its hard to find. Chris Bores makes no attempt to show the actual cartridge because he is using a rom because actual games are expensive. Chris demonstrates that he has played these games "over a 1000 times" and knows the "ins and outs" of every game by stating “'Before beginning, you get to select your difficulty level.'” which makes no sense since technically the game begins as soon as the player is given control. If Irate Gamer had used the qualifer gameplay as in "before beginning gameplay" the sentence would have made sense, otherwise the sentence is a vague statement. Irate Gamer states that the player may also select the song they wish to play the game to and asks “I wonder if they have any Van Halen?” before picking an obvious special effect poorly disgused as an option and the song plays. Children who have yet to understand humor may find this funny because it has bright colors and loud noises. Audience members who are actually paying attention may notice that Chris is displaying autistic behaviour in that he is trying to be humorous but has no idea what humor is and just does something that only he would actually find funny. Batdan, a well renowned critic of the Irate Gamer, felt the need to point out that the NES cannot play a song such as 'Panama' on its weak sound card and actually put thought into understanding the humor Chris was autistically trying to express. This is notable in that only Critics of Irate Gamer would actually attempt to evaluate him as a crediable person and would have to give him the benefit of the doubt whereas all audience members would immediately see that Irate Gamer lacks certain cognitive functions. Further feeling the need to express his lack of cognitive functions, Irate Gamer decides to explain to the audience how to play Tetris... because clearly the audience needs to know how to stack items to form neat rows. Irate Gamer puts an NES cartridge on his shelf and it destroys all his other cartridges because they formed a neat row. The audience does not laugh because the joke lacked humor and a cartridge is not a 4 piece block. Irate Gamer states that russian dancers will appear after good gameplay and splices himself in with the other dancers... because it's definitely not autistic to pretend video game characters are real people and try to live with them. Irate Gamer states that female dancers will show up after prolonged gameplay and again splices himself in this time asking one of the female dancers for her phone number. The audience does not laugh because it is disgusting to hit on woman while they are at work and even more digusting that Chris is expressing a desire to date and have sex with a pixeled character who isn't real nor can show affection. Considering that Chris and his mom Ladybuggin777 (who is actually Chris pretending to be his mom) think that not having sex is the worse thing that could ever happen to someone, it's clear that Chris is willing to have sex with a bunch of pink pixels that take the form of a dancer. Cynical members of the audience may note that this is the closest to actual intercourse that Chris may ever get. Chris Bores actually starts talking about the gameplay and states that the blocks fall faster as... no seriously this will be a shock... Hold your breath folks!.... as the game continues. Chris complains about this feature''' because it makes Tetris a video game and video games do not aid Chris in his bid for intercourse with real women. A block falls from the ceiling of Chris Bore's room and unfortunately fails to hit and squish the Irate Gamer. The Audience groans in frustration at their inability to end their misery earlier than anticipated. “'''When you pick this game up, I guarantee you’ll be addicted, and have a hard time putting the controller down." says Chris Bores having been recently hired by the deparment of redundancy department. Chris Bores wonders if it would be a stupid question to ask what the bars that count the total number of block drops (of each unique type) on the side of the screen do. Since Chris Bores is an idiot, he asks the stupid question and then decides to not answer and pretend that it is a flaw with the game. Irate Gamer plays the game to have the bars fill up to the top (the screen focuses on the bars so the audience can't see and can only correctly guess that Irate Gamer is using cheats) and then complains that the bars which clearly have a purpose, to be a cheap joke that Irate Gamer will misinterpret and ruin. “'Tetris is a very addicting game, and despite all its flawls it’s still a great game.'” says Irate Gamer despite not having found any legitmate flaws to make the statement applicable. Chris now talks about the nintendo version of Tetris and wonders why the game was released in spite of the unreleased Tengen version because Chris has trouble understanding the words "unlicensed" and "unreleased" because they are large words and have letters in them. “'Why did Nintendo release a Tetris of their own? Did they want to expand on the concept?'” says Chris Bores, solidifying certain facts about his character. Chris Bores then says “'Tetris was created by a guy in Russia'” to demonstrate to the audience the level of effort that went into Chris Bore's research and script writing. Chris then goes to explain what actually happened to the Tengen game to show that the previous questions were meant to waste the audiences time. Chris complains that the nintendo version of the game has one less song to choose from and that one of the songs available is dance of the sugar plum fairy... because apparently people should care about that. Batdan, renowned Critic of the Irate Gamer, picked this moment to self-apply blunt force trauma in his redux review of this episode. Chris Bores states that the nintendo version does not have a two player mode which was in the tengen version which Chris Bores now states was a popular game despite not being released (although according to Chris, it was only out in stores for 4 weeks, which still isn't enough time to become popular). “'What a bunch of shit-burgers'” says Chris demonstrating that he was not inspired by AVGN and is proven to be the case as AVGN would never make this many stupid mistakes. Chris notes that music speeds up when the player is near game over “'Now this causes me to get nervous, and could mess me up.'” and decides to complain about a feature that is in 90% of of the games he's played "for over 20 years" and knows "the ins and ARGH MEDIC! This piss poor parody will be the end of me!" (oh wait we already used that joke... Good Job Irate Gamer! You made the same mistake so many times the joke is now on lifesupport). Chris says that he cannot “'put up with this aggravation'” and lists that playing Tetris is hard because it is a video game. Chris states that scoring points is an aggravation even though he thought points were useless in the Ghost and Goblins review. Chris states that he can't stop playing because the game is addicting even though he gets the game over screen after 2 seconds of gameplay on average. A Thwomp from Mario appears to try and crush Irate Gamer but since both are crusty, stubborn and a nuisance, the Thwomp decides to become allies with Chris. This is denoted by the Thwomp not coming back down like it would in a Mario game. Chris notices that audience has not killed themselves yet and decides that he should do more stupid things so that the audience will have more incentitve to do so. Chris decides to help the audience reach an epiphany by playing Tetris 2. Chris states that the flashing blocks in Tetris 2 are bombs (which is true) and then decides to fix his crediability by saying that the blocks in Tetris 2 are not the same blocks from the original tetris. A bomb falls down from the ceiling of Chris's Room but once again tragically fails to kill him. Considering that Chris ducks well out in advance and that Chris is often depicted as having demonic powers (see the background of this wiki if you haven't already blocked it using ad blocker) its clear that Chris cannot be killed because he is the true devil. It is unknown whether Chris found and killed the audience member responsible for the attacks during this episode but given that such attempts do not occur happen again, Chris most likely managed to find and consume that person... a moment of silence for that poor audience member please... Chris states that Tetris 2 is a terrible game despite having found no flaws but given that it is a video game and not a hooker, that may be reason enough. Chris wonders why he is playing tetris and then pretends to go through drug abuse and withdrawal. Given that Chris cannot act during this scene, its clear that THC is something that Chris is not suffering withdrawal from. The eggplant wizard shows up (an effect of THC) and gives Chris Bores a Dr Mario game. Chris plays the game and complains that it gets harder a feature that is in 90% of the games he's played "for over 20 years" and knows all the "beep beep beep Code Blue CODE BLUE CODE BLUE This joke had to be used three times!". '' ''Chris states that “'This game is pretty awesome…'” leaving the audience surprised since he said he hated Tetris 2. This of course should come to no surprise of veterans of the audience as Chris would obviously like a game that he received from THC induced hallucination. A montage ensues and it shows Chris playing Dr Mario while Viruses dance around his head no doubt symbolizing the stupidity that Chris exhibits is contagious as Charlie aka 2600theatari can attest. Chris suddenly wakes up from his hallucination and states that he is tired of puzzle games because they are games and he is a gamer. The audience, if there were any survivors, picks up the shattered pieces that is their lives and have hopefully learned their lesson about watching full length videos from the Irate Gamer. "knows all the ins and outs of" survived his heart attack and now is safely vactioning in berlin with his wife "for over 20 years" however they are having marital troubles due to "knows all the ins and outs of"'s brief flirtation with "over a 1000 times". We wish them luck and good grace in solving any remaining disputes. External links *Internet Movie Databse Video Category:The Irate Gamer episodes Category:The Irate Gamer season 2 episodes